im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
