we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
