I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
