He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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