you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't turn off my feet"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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