he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
