oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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