Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize