hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
