i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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