he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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