I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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