Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
