I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
