i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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