she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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