i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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