Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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