I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
