My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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