just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
