dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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