so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
