When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize