"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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