his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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