Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
