he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
