I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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