His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
