i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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