I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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