So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
