Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
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Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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