I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
