Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
