the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
