thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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