i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
