He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
