doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
