I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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