Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
