based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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