i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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