As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
