Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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