I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
