Barsexuality is the new black.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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