I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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