Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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