He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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