I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
