i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
