Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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