Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
