We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
