There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
