I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
