I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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