You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
