i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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