i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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